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Eery Calmness

On Friday, Ashley and I will travel to Gainesville, Florida so that she can have an MRI at Shands hospital. Remarkably, I am not worried about the MRI or its findings. Ashley has been doing so well lately that I don't expect them to find anything different or abnormal. I do expect things to be the same; her three liver cysts will be unchanged, her liver will be slightly scarred with cirrhosis and her spleen will be large but not larger and the blood flow in the portal vein will be normal.

The calmness that I feel about this procedure is kind of eery. I tend to worry before all of Ashley's medical procedures, this time I have no butterflies, no fear, and no anxiety. I am not sure why and that scares me a little. Ashley has not taken any of the medication for GERD (Gastrointestinal Reflux Disorder) in months and she seems to be doing fine. She is still taking her liver medications but not so religiously as we have in the past. For example, we use to give her meds at the exact same time every day and with meals now she gets it sometime during the day, twice a day and she seems to be doing fine.

Ashley has never done this well in the almost 11 years since her diagnosis of liver disease. This is the healthiest she has ever been. We aren't going to the pediatrician every week, she is staying well for the most part. Her headaches have disappeared, she no longer complains of belly pain and she is happy. Could it be that, maybe just maybe, Ashley is getting better? Is it possible that her liver disease can go away? Or maybe it's just "in remission" right now and will rear its ugly head later.

Lord, I pray that I am not jinxing things; I tend to do that a lot. Oh no...there goes the sense of calmness. Hmm...I think I will call Ashley's liver doctor tomorrow to have labs drawn too. Maybe normal labs and a normal MRI will bring that calmness back into focus.

Is this the calm before the storm?

Comments

Michelle said…
Hi there. I know how you feel. When things are going badly, it's scary and you worry. When things are going well, it's scary and you worry.

We love our little girls and boys and if you could trade places with her you would.

Ashley and your entire family are in my prayers.

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