Love For Ashley

Sometimes as I am trying to fall asleep (like last night), I find my mind going into over drive instead of shutting off so I can sleep.  The scenario's that I dream up of in my mind certainly keep me up at night.  The horrible reality is some of these scenarios could really happen. Most of the thoughts that keep me up at night involve Ashley and sometimes Brad.  Sometimes I start to fall asleep only to be startled awake with one of my scenarios or as I call them my "awakemares." Scenario one:  I am awakend with Ashley's screaming, not just any scream but a scream of fear.  She is throwing up blood, not just like regular throwing up blood but like the Exorist throwing up. She is projectile vomiting all over her room.  Of course, I run to her room, dial 911 and then try to erase that scenario and go back to sleep. Scenario two:  Before I go to bed at night which is usally three or four hours after the kids go to bed, I check on them, cover them up, turn off TV's

Heart Healty...not exactly.  Last Thursday, I came home from work with a very blood shot eye.  I have never had a blood vessel burst in my eyes so I was kind of freaked out by it.  I remember driving home feeling tired, my eyes wanted to close and were very sensitive to the light.  I took Ashley to dance, but was nervous the entire 30 minute drive to and from the studio. Went to bed later that night hoping and praying that my eye would improve over night but it didn't. Friday morning my eye looked worse, and was swollen.  Again, it was senistive to light and I only felt better if I closed them.  But I drove the kids to their bus stop and myself to work.  I worked until 3:30 that day (I usually get off at 1 pm), so I managed to do my job with one blood shot tired eye.  However, while at work I researched what causes eye blood vessels to burst.  The answer was sneezing, coughing and....high blood pressure. I hadn't sneezed and I wasn't coughing so I have high blood pressu

In just about six weeks Ashley will dance, not just any dance; she will be competing in a big regional dance competition by dancing her very first solo.  It's completely amazing, seeing Ashley dance, watching her live through dance.  When Ashley was born almost 11 1/2 years ago, I never ever thought, we never thought Ashley would live to dance much else do her first solo.  I can't believe I am crying as I type this.  I didn't think I would get emotional.  It's just amazing!  When I put her in dance at age 3, I did it because I knew I needed to stop sheltering her.  She needed to be around other children.  She needed to feel normal despite what is trying to zap the life out of her; despite her disease.  Honestly I never thought Ashley would be a good dancer or even a great dancer, I just knew dancing was safe; it was the one activity the doctors felt didn't put Ashley's life at risk.  Little did I know how much dancing did and still does to heal Ashley.  Ashl